(Me around age three holding Peter, the cat. I must say, he does not look terribly pleased! 😄)
A note before reading the story below:
Central to this story is my experience of the healing modality known as rebirthing. I want to mention that I am not advocating this technique to anyone. It is probably considered extremely beneficial by some. And then, on the other end of the spectrum, there are those who might consider it to be dangerous.
Please proceed with care when trying any new healing modality. Researching, and being cautious and practical, are always recommended.
It just so happened that this modality arose as an opportunity for me at a very specific time and place, and provided insight into my life this time around.
Thank you, and enjoy the story!
Many years ago, when living in an ashram (a monastery in the eastern tradition), I approached my teacher about a certain long standing sorrow I wanted to heal. It was quite the enigmatic situation and had belied my many efforts to dissipate. My then husband and I were planning on having a child and I wanted very much to transform this situation as we prepared for this new chapter.
I approached my teacher in the darshan line that evening. (Darshan describes being in the presence of the sacred, a confluence of light.) I was prepared to bring this to her attention. Finally, I was kneeling there before her. I leaned in and told her of my predicament.
Fully expecting counsel entailing a spiritual practice of some sort, such as, “Repeat a certain mantra,” or “Practice this chant,” she told me to seek out rebirthing!
“Rebirthing. Do rebirthing,” she said. Not sure I had heard correctly, I leaned further in and said, “Excuse me?!”
“Do rebirthing,” she repeated.
I smiled. This delighted me. I had heard of rebirthing and it had always held an appeal.
“Ahhhh, rebirthing!” I responded. My surprise and happiness at this response were obvious! She then proceeded to recommend someone to speak with about a good rebirther.
I walked away feeling supported and grateful, and did very soon seek out the person who could direct me to a qualified practitioner of this healing modality.
I started the ten obligatory sessions with the rebirther. For the first few sessions, it did not seem like so much was happening. But, toward the end of this process, I had an experience. I found myself standing next to a being of light, and it was actually before I entered the baby body in this incarnation. He (For some reason, I am under the impression it was a "he," don't know why!) told me it was time for me to enter the baby body. The next human incarnation awaited me. But, I was not very enthusiastic about all this. In fact, I was fine just where I was! I resisted and then he gently offered me the "carrot on the stick" approach. He gave me a glimpse of my spiritual destiny in this lifetime and what was possible for me in this future incarnation. With that, I said "yes" and instantly I found myself coming into the baby body.
As I passed through my mother's aura upon entering, I spontaneously and physically - in the actual rebirthing session - burst into tears.
This was not an anticipated response. It was purely visceral. I must have felt deeply the sorrow and turmoil that my mother had in her aura. I immediately, in my tiny baby form, starting reaching out to her to console her. Perhaps I also picked up on her possible worry. She did have many months of bed rest during her pregnancies with my brother and me. These pregnancy were precarious for her and she would necessarily be concerned about this.
I told her telepathically that even if I didn't survive this particular situation physically, that I would always be. In other words, my eternal self would remain constant. But I felt that she could not hear me as there was too much flux and movement, too much confusion and upset, in her being.
So, this feeling of needing to help her and feeling responsible for her well-being apparently started at the very beginning, you might say!
I suppose this is why my teacher indicated rebirthing to me. She wanted me to know that this primordial relationship in the human arena - with the mother - was a very sorrowful one. It ran deep and had had a profound influence on me. In fact, another time - during a quiet afternoon when living in her ashram, I was reading a book that spoke to the topic of forgiving one's mother. As I read this, spontaneously an energy entered my right big toe - considered an auspicious site in the Indian scriptures - and traveled up my body to the heart chakra (energy center) region, lifting the heaviness that was there. This lasted just a second or two. I understood that the divine energy was indicating and revealing that which would help free me.
Again, it is interesting that I immediately assumed a protective role toward my mother. And this same scenario did play out in our actual relationship. She was not really able to mother. It was really mostly about her being ok, about her emotional needs being met. She demanded so much attention that there wasn’t much room for anyone else, even her child. So, you could say this pattern started very early.
Additionally, my mother and father had an extremely tempestuous relationship, which often had its violent turns. Awful things were said, on my mother’s part; a form of verbal violence. And this would catalyze in my father physical violence. It was an extremely toxic and sad relationship.
I could feel this coming toward me, this toxicity, as I whooshed in. Again, it was shocking compared to my previous residence!
It’s interesting and I think helpful to look back on these experiences. Now in my seventh decade, and a mother to two beautiful sons, I do see what I have been given in this life. Perhaps great emotional hardship was there early on, as well as in certain areas later. But nonetheless, great fortune has been afoot as well.
Huge spiritual wealth has been available to me this time around.
I’m glad I took the plunge.
October 4, 2023