Many years ago, when living as a full time resident in an ashram (monastery), I awoke one morning to a beautiful and - now I can say - prescient experience. Before opening my eyes, I heard a voice say very clearly, “You will find your marriage in the inner bliss.”
Now, you need to understand that at the time, marriage was the last thing on my mind! I was very happy with my life just as it was. I was offering full-time seva (selfless service, a spiritual practice) and I loved my life in the ashram. So, in that way it was surprising.
Accompanying this voice was a visual - as my eyes were still closed when I heard the voice - of gorgeous swirling color; mainly a turquoise and peacock blue.
Years went by and, surprisingly, I did marry and - much to my great delight - the marriage brought forth two beautiful beings, our two sons. But, very sadly, the marriage itself did not last beyond around twenty-five years. Once the second son left for college, it was not long after that we separated. (I understand this timing is not an unusual pattern.)
When one marries, this is not the outcome one envisions or ever wants. But there you have it.
And now I look back on that message received so long ago. It holds such compassion. I feel it endeavored to prepare me for this phase of my life. I know that a marriage that endures is truly beautiful. And, of course, that would have been my strong preference.
But, I understand that gorgeous message to be saying that the true marriage is coming home to oneself. It is an inner journey. The human marriage is a beautiful endeavor, and if that is in ones life, how lovely! But, it is secondary to this coming home to oneself.
So I say thank you to the great wisdom that greeted me that morning those many years ago.
Thank you.
Annie Kiyonaga
July 5, 2021
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