To my sons, Joseph and Paul
With my sons, Joseph and Paul, on the occasion of Paul's 25th birthday, May 11, 2023. (Paul is the one wearing the black shirt.)
Motherhood came later to me than most. I had my first child at 39, my second at 42. Both arrived as boys, and I would have been happy with either gender. Just the fact that they existed, that they were there, was already miraculous in my eyes.
I heard about the coming of my first child years before it happened. At the time, I was living in an ashram (monastery) and had been for many years. I was offering seva (selfless service) in the temple there on the grounds one fine day. At that time, I was 33 and was truly fine with how my life was going. I was single and felt complete in that situation. If it remained thusly, that was just fine by me! I really gave it no thought.
So, there I was offering seva. It needs to be explained that in this temple, there is a murti (statue) of a very great being, a very great saint, who departed this earth in the early 1960’s.
So, as I like to put it, I was minding my own business 😄 doing whatever I was doing when suddenly I heard very clearly, “You will have a child when you are 39.”
That did stop me in my tracks. No more was added. It was a given. No other pertinent details such as with whom, etc. (There was a great efficiency to this message, you could say!)
I found myself counting the years until this magnificent event (six) along with that very question…With whom?! You could say there was a dearth of the opposite gender in the ashram at that time!
Life proceeded and I did, indeed, connect with an ashram fellow (And that’s a whole other story! I was proposed to two weeks after this connecting and we married that summer!).
The wedding was the month before my 36th birthday.
I became pregnant in my 38th year. I was not timing it to adhere to the message I had received. In fact, I rarely thought about that, if at all.
Also, I became pregnant right away. And, this happened with the second child. This still strikes me as miraculous, as well.
I did have a concern about carrying to full term, with the first pregnancy. This was not based on any physical reality. I did not have any physical issues. I think it was due to the fact that during my childhood my mother had numerous miscarriages and I must have picked up on that.
About this time, I met a woman in the ashram who was a very gifted clairvoyant… I feel she was sent my way to provide the support I needed. From very early on in the pregnancy, she gave assurances; that all was well. I remember her telling me, at one point, that nothing was going to stop the birth of this child, that nothing would or could impede it. And she was, of course, right!
I remember a dream I had during this pregnancy. In it, I was dressed in an saree and offering worship to a Shiva Lingham, My teacher was off to my right and chanting “Rama Raghava,” a chant of protection.
The Shiva Lingham, by the way, is associated with male energy. But, even with this dream, I still thought I was carrying a girl! Really! Poor Joseph…I called him “Isabelle” often when in utero. I did apologize about this upon his entry into the world. (We chose not to learn the gender beforehand.)
Another time, when I again found myself again struggling with that fear of miscarriage, my clairvoyant friend suggested I chant. I went into an empty meditation hall and repeated the mantra. (a practice known as Japa.). I then proceeded to my room. I was standing there in my room when suddenly I felt enwrapped in a gorgeous heavenly vibration. And I heard, ”You are so protected.” A truly heaven-sent messsage…
With both pregnancies, enormous protection abounded. That, I noticed.
I was also given prior notice on the birth of my second child, Paul. (Full first name Paul-Anthony).
By then we were living in Guadeloupe, the French West Indies. I had written my teacher and described my desire for a second child. And though I didn’t literally hear back, signs started coming my way.
I dreamt about a baby boy being born followed by a full moon with a beautiful face emerging. My older son asked for a baby well before this pregnancy (in French) and, at one point, saw the baby in its subtle form in the clear blue sky one day, as we were standing by the car and about to get in to go to his little nursery school. He pointed his little index finger up toward the sky and said, “Regarde, Maman. Le bebe et la!” (Look, Mom, the baby’s there!)
And at another time, as I was in awakening one morning, I heard - in my half-sleep state - a voice say, “You are going to have another child.” (Again, a very direct and short message saying only the necessary!)
Our second child was born on the full moon of May.
This sharing today, on this Mother’s Day 2023, is more about the beginnings of my experience of motherhood. It has been, and continues to be, love-filled and beautiful. Needless to say, I feel very fortunate that these wonderful beings came my way to share this lifetime with me.
Thank you, Joseph and Paul. I love you, always.
May 14, 2023