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Emotional Self-Sufficiency




This is a phrase that arose this morning as I was participating in a spiritual practice. It arose naturally…out of the blue, you could say. It is a description that I really don’t encounter, but it says so much; particularly about the phase I am in presently.


Yes, we are social creatures, and I - very much so! No one has ever accused me of being an introvert, that is for sure. We humans generally delight in family, friends and community. And well we should. These provide a sustenance and support so natural to our human condition. They can provide great delight and joy.


But I find these days in my somewhat newly arrived at situation, as I am no longer part of a long-standing marriage as of a few years ago, that I am discovering the power and worth of emotional self sufficiency. It is definitely a process. The emotions can give you a run for your money here. But, as I edge toward managing emotions with increasing success, a clarity and sense of wholeness starts making itself known.


For instance, the phrase, “you complete me,” no longer has validity. No one can complete us. That is entirely an inside job.


As emotional self-sufficiency continues to take root, emotional dependency loses traction and gives away to a deeply rooted emotional autonomy.


And then one is more available to love, to be love.


Of course, one does not have to step out of a long term relationship or uproot in any significant manner to bring about this emotional autonomy. Life can present opportunities in other ways, of course. But this does seem, if I can be so bold as to suggest this, a very important part of spiritual awakening.


So, this just came to me this morning. Perhaps, and hopefully, it will serve to bring more light and help to others.



Annie Kiyonaga


July 26, 2022











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